Slut vs. Prude

Ahh, the joys of dating, especially as a Christian woman. I know it might be shocking that my title consists of those two not-so-nice words, but I really wanted to draw attention to the shock factor because I was called both of those things while dating in college. So forgive me for continuing to use that language throughout this post, in order to make a point.

If you’re an outsider, interacting with someone who you might consider to be one of those things, I urge you to watch your mouth and your heart. Your words can have an impact on that person, and you want to make sure it’s the right impact. I would highly suggest you never use either of those words and instead try to be encouraging in the way the Holy Spirit leads you if you feel the need to talk about this topic to someone you care about.

If you’re a girl who is dating, let me encourage you as well. There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating. In fact, I would encourage it. You may not know what you’re looking for in a husband or what red flags to watch out for until you experience certain things. You should learn how to treat others and also how you deserve to be treated. You should go out and do fun things and eat good food and interact with awesome people. However, you should also guard your heart, and by that I mean stay safe and don’t go too far.

I got called a slut in college because I was dating a lot of guys. I felt hurt by these words (for many reasons) because I felt I was just trying to see what kind of man I wanted to marry. My friends were giving me crap every time I mentioned another guy even though I saw it as me just enjoying life and figuring out what I want. The only problem is I was also kissing these guys. Not all of them, but a good chunk of them made it to first base within a couple dates and I would say that this is not a smart thing to do. I was not guarding my heart. And to be honest, I was mostly looking to not be lonely, instead of looking for a husband. Was I a slut and did I deserve to be called that by some of my best friends? Absolutely not.

I got called a prude because I wouldn’t go past first base. Some guys I met were definitely more “modern” and expected sex from the women they dated. Because of the way I was raised and the guidelines set in place by the God I believe in, I was saving myself for marriage. That led to some guys getting angry and ditching out on me. That led to some friends lashing out at me because of their own decisions. Was I a prude? Maybe. But did I deserve to be called that name, which I think should be a badge of honor instead of an insult? No. 

So what’s the middle ground here? What’s a girl supposed to do to avoid becoming either one of those things? Well, like I said, date. See who you like and what qualities mesh well with your own. Save the physical stuff until you truly get to know someone and want to date them exclusively. I could’ve saved myself and others a lot of heartbreak if I had saved the physical stuff for a more serious relationship. Save the serious relationships for the serious people. And save sex for marriage.

If someone calls you a prude because of that decision, that’s their own heart problem. And if someone calls you a slut for a little mistake, or even an active choice, that’s their problem as well. Your identity is found in Christ, not in guys, not in your friends, and not in whatever they’re saying about you. That’s the conclusion I had to come to and the stuff I had to forgive myself for. And guess what? Colton loved and accepted me for when I was a “slut” and was absolutely grateful for when I was a “prude,” so there ya go.