Make Him Addicted to You

Since Valentine’s Day is in four days, I thought I would crap all over it, if that’s okay with you. Just kidding. Kind of. A few years ago I was scrolling Pinterest and a pin came up with a cute photo of a couple with the guy kissing the girl’s cheek or something. There were letters in a beautiful font enticing you to click the photo and find out the secret to love. The title of the article? “Make him addicted to you.” Now, I didn’t actually click the pin and read the article, so I might be too harsh on it, but I think we need to really consider our wording when it comes to this kind of stuff. And we need to be especially considerate of our hearts as well. You should not be seeking to make someone addicted to you, and you should not be getting addicted to a person, either.

Looking back now, I was addicted to my high school boyfriend. Everyone said he was bad for me and that we shouldn’t be together, but I wanted to be with him, so I ignored them. And I ignored several other red flags for the two years we dated. And then, when we broke up, my entire world shattered. I was depressed and barely leaving my dorm room and was missing out on a lot of good college experiences. I didn’t know what to do without him in my life. So when he did decide to grace me with his presence again, I ate it up. Again and again I let him back into my life even though he kept hurting me over and over. Because our relationship wasn’t about two people in mutual love. It was more like a parasitic relationship, where he was getting all the benefits and I was getting all the pain and heartbreak. I finally realized that I had a very real addiction and wrote a heartbreaking poem equating him to cigarettes that I just couldn’t quit. The first step is admitting you have a problem, right? So then I had to go on to the next steps to detox from this harmful addiction that had plagued me for years of my life. I had to block his number and social media accounts. I had to cut our mutual friends out of my life. I had to throw away anything I owned that reminded me of him and rip out scrapbook pages that held his photo. I had to pray for our soul ties to be broken and train myself with Scripture every time he crossed my mind. I had to ask for forgiveness from the people I hurt because of my addiction, yes, this happened. This isn’t some metaphor- it was real. And now, I can’t look back on a good chunk of my high school and college years with fondness. The ashes of this addiction were left scattered throughout my memory. All because I let my guard down and let him play with my heart. I thought I loved him, but I expressed it by being someone who couldn’t live without him, literally. And that led him to be manipulative and controlling of our relationship and my emotions. That’s not love.

Real love is not an addiction. Real love is a choice. I heard on a podcast once this woman who said she could live without her husband and that’s what makes their love so great. She could easily live her life on her own, but she doesn’t want to. She wants to do life with him, so she chooses to be with him and love him each and every day. And that’s what real love is. That’s how it is with my husband now. Even though I absolutely never want to live without him, I know I could. I know that eventually I could pull myself up and move on with my life. But I don’t want to. I want him, now and forever, by my side. Our love is mutual and generous. There is not a scrap of manipulation or control or clingy overdependence. It’s just him and me deciding to love, serve, and fight for one another no matter what. And let me tell you, that is way more beautiful than anything I have ever experienced. And in doing that, I don’t have to use any secret love tricks. I don’t have to do my makeup or hair a certain way. I don’t have to kiss just right. Because Colton loves me no matter what.

So I highly encourage you to be aware of these click-baity articles that so plague our timelines these days. You don’t need to follow their 7 tips and tricks to get a man. You don’t need to make him addicted to you. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be yourself. Your fully independent and confident and messy-haired self. Because the right guy will still love and choose you every day.